"Your
Mom was a very special person. Before either of us were married and
Vicki was teaching in Phoenix, she and I lived together and became very
close…even though I was 4 years younger. I stayed with her in Texas
when she was going through a lot of her treatments. I took care of you
and Louis when Jimmy and Vicki would go to the hospital in Dallas. Her
only goal was to be sure you kids were taken care of when she was gone. I
have never met anyone as brave as she was and with so much
determination. She never wanted you kids to realize she was sick….I hope
you know how much she loved you. I know she is so proud of both of
you. I always felt bad that so many memories were not shared with you."
My brother Louis also shared some amazing thoughts and memories. Most of this I never knew, so it was a pretty special e-mail to read. Thanks, Lou:
"I'm
sad that your memories of her are few, and while mine aren't as many as I
would like, I'm grateful for them. Seeing Angela with Cole and Hannah
makes me realize the importance of a mother in a child's life, and at
times I get angry that she was taken from us so early. I wonder how
different our lives would be if we would have had her a few years
longer.
My
memories are somewhat scattered...mostly images and feelings. I do
remember how she used to work at the Tom Thumb as a
cashier and on one Halloween, someone dressed up as Spiderman. She
took me to see him. I remember her working as a teacher, and we would go to her class, fourth grade, I think. All the
kids seemed so big, but they loved her. She had a class gerbil and
during the holidays, she would bring him home and we'd get to play with
him. She also used to bring her classes to our house in Flower Mound.
Sometimes Dad would give them a class about horses and they'd each get a
turn to ride. She also had one of her co-workers, Steve Fogel, come
out with his telescope and he would give astronomy classes.
I
remember going on vacation to Joannie and Tim Ledbetter's in South
Carolina. We drove out there in that brown and white station wagon,
swam in the lake, etc. We also seemed to take a yearly trip to Arizona
and see all the family. I don't remember the details, but I just
remember feeling comforted when she was around. She loved horses and
was always working them in the arena, grooming them, or putting you and I
on top of one. She had two horses, Leo and Sundance. Leo was pretty
cranky, but he was a beautiful sorrell gelding with a white face.
Sundance was a pretty roan mare who was as gentle as the breeze. She
really loved those animals, and I think that was as much of her therapy
as the chemo.
I
remember when she brought you home from the hospital, and instantly
called you "Bird Legs" because you were so skinny. I remember her at
the hospital with you when you were 18 months or so...you had the crup
and they put you in an oxygen tent. And mom kept asking the doctors if
they had the right diagnosis because you kept running down the halls,
apparently feeling pretty good.
Did
you know that Dad and Leon were going to get her some medicinal
marijuana, and had arranged to buy some from a worker at the
Phillips Ranch? Leon told me they were supposed to pick it up from the
mailbox at the ranch, but chickened out at the last minute because they
were afraid the DEA knew about it and would arrest them. [ASIDE: This story cracks me up. I doubt that 2 cowboys buying pot were ever on the DEA's radar.]
I
remember going to see her in the hospital after her first
mastectomy. She kept telling me not to worry, that she would beat
cancer. I had no idea what she was talking about and she explained what a
tumor was, and how the doctors removed one from her...I think that was
the first time I heard "cancer". She always maintained a positive
attitude, and never stopped fighting. She was very involved at the
Methodist Church in Lewisville, and was adamant about you and I going to
Sunday school. I'm glad she was. She was always reading her bible and
highlighting passages. Connie told me once that mom never quit. But
that science and treatment hadn't caught up to her spirit to live. She
said if mom had gotten cancer 10 years later, she would have won.
Unfortunately,
my strongest memories are the worst. Towards the end of her life, we
went to MD Anderson in Houston. You and I ran around the park in front
of the hospital, unaware of what was going on. Aunt Sally or Grandma
Audrey was there with us, and at one point, you and I went to mom's
hospital room to see her. She was in really bad shape, and could barely
speak. Dad, Grandma, and Aunt Sally walked us into the room and she
hugged us and just held on. She smelled like medicine, and I remember
thinking she was really sick, but had no idea that would be the last
time we would see her. We stayed for a few minutes and she asked about
school and told us how proud she was of us. Then she told us to be good
boys for dad, that she loved us more than anything, and she would
always be with us. You and I cried, but I think we cried because
everyone else was. [I'd give anything to remember this moment.]
I
don't remember much after leaving that room. Shortly after, you and I
spent the night at Billy and Carol's, and the next morning, they took us
to Nanny's house. It was a cold and gray Sunday morning, and Dad was
there which I thought was strange because he was supposed to be in
Houston. But I think I knew what happened when we saw him. He sat us
down on his lap, and told us "last night, Mom went to heaven."
I
don't remember the funeral, but I think it was in the Methodist Church.
When we came home after the service, we had a house full of friends
and family, all of whom brought something for us to eat. Aunt Sally
stayed with us for a couple of weeks, but at some point everyone else
went on with their lives, and it was us. There was a distinct absence in
the house and I think Dad spent the rest of his life trying to fill
that hole.
Everyone who speaks of my mother does so with an incredible amount of affection and a deep sense of admiration. She was kind, brilliant and courageous, and 30 years later, she is still dearly missed by those who knew her. I've missed having her in my life. If you've yet to contribute to The Pink Agenda, please take a few minutes and help however you can. You would be honoring a remarkable woman and her fight against breast cancer.
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/ryanbush/ryanbushsfundraisingpageforthenycmarathon
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