If You Want to Make God Laugh, Tell Him Your Plans

I’ve put off writing this final entry because honestly, I didn’t know what to say or what exactly I was feeling. I still don’t really know. When I got on the plane to New York, I was not in any way excited about the race. Part of it was Sandy and part of it had to do with other reasons that I won’t get into. But I was going to run, and I was going to run well. That was the commitment that I made. After a long day of travel, I was walking into my hotel in Midtown when my phone exploded with texts from people telling me the news. The feeling was surreal, as if I should have seen this coming all along. All I could do was let out an exasperated laugh and shake my head. Was the Mayor’s office really this incompetent? Did I really just waste 4 months of hard work and sacrifice? Apparently so.  

I should be clear. I have no problem with the cancellation of the race. I felt horrible about running through the devastation when so many people were dealing with so much worse. But it was a decision that should have been made days prior, not after people had flown in from all over the globe.

After I dropped my bags in my room, I immediately went to the hotel bar and proceeded to get drunk. Really drunk. And I stayed drunk for longer than I should have. Yes, I pouted and I was upset. I still don’t know why I was so upset when all of the excitement of the weekend had already been stripped away days earlier. Maybe it was because this was a weekend that I had been dreaming of since May, and while I was sitting at that bar, I realized that I was alone and that it had all crumbled around me.

As the dust has settled however, one overwhelmingly positive thing has occurred to me. That is the realization that I have been surrounded by some extraordinary people throughout all of the phases of my life. The generosity, the support and the words of encouragement have been humbling and mean more to me than you will ever know. I feel lucky to have all of you in my life. So despite the fact that right now I hate running and I hate the New York City Marathon, I will run in 2013. As much as I’m dreading it, I will start over and put in another grueling 4 months of training next summer. I will be running because all of you believed in me and most importantly, because I made a commitment to Mom. I won’t let her down.

Talk to you all next summer.